Monday, April 12, 2010

Marriage = Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering?!


My baby sister is getting married end of this year. Just 2 weeks ago, she told me she is already getting the wedding jitters. A tad too soon, perhaps? The couple have gotten an apartment together and even though she is mainly staying there on her own for now, his occasional stayovers are giving her second thoughts. She cannot understand why he continues to throw his food wrappers and apple cores in the living room despite her repeatedly telling him not to or why he has to leave his clothes strewn all over the ground or why he can't put his dishes in the sink...yada..yada. Sounds all too familiar? That's right, she is getting a glimpse of what married life is all about. I don't think I'm of much help when I told her things are just going to get worse from here. My mum used to take care of everything for me - I didn't have to worry about the laundry, the food, the cleanliness of the home (well, at least just my room) and she even made me tea in the morning! Then came marriage which felt like a huge slap in my face. Suddenly, I was MY mum - not only did I have to manage things I never had to think about, now I had to worry for two people in the house. It was probably the toughest challenge I had in my life and still is (I can see some of you sniggering now "Wait till a kid comes along!" ;)). The thing is marriage is a lot of work. We are talking about two people from different backgrounds/upbringing coming together to create a whole new life. But it is inevitable that our past habits gets incorporated into this little niche we have built for ourselves. Some we can tolerate. Some we simply can't. And that's when we learn to compromise. Seems like a simple enough thing to do but trust me it is easier said than done. 8 years into my marriage and we continue to argue over the same issues (usually heightened during my monthly hormonal season! heh.) The truth is, marriage does take a lot of commitment and to sustain it you really got to build a strong foundation of love, trust and respect for one another. Never take each other for granted and you must always communicate, communicate, communicate. And bear in mind that this is a continual process which means you have to constantly work on refining it. No one is asking you to change your character overnight but at least try to do whatever little part you can to make things work for the both of you. *You reading this, hubs? :P* Only then can death (not divorce) do us apart (well, unless you choose to poison your other half prematurely :P) .
Well, let's hope my sis will overcome her jitters and find happiness as she embark on the adventure of her lifetime!

3 comments:

Zsuzsi said...

I recognise a lot of the things you write about. Well, I'm not married but in true European fashion I used to live together with my boyfriend. Then we broke up. And now it's complicated. But, my point is, if you get it right (and when you've learnt to compromise and communicate), being together with the person you love is wonderful. Good luck to your sister!

sugarlens said...

Wait till a kid comes along! :)

I concur everything you said. Marriage is all about give and take. Wish your little sis a lifetime of happiness!

mama bok said...

Ahhh..! how true..! even now with kid .. i tell the ang moh i need plans for the day.. but he has no plans. yes..! the lil' things frustrates us.. but like you said.. in all marriages - compromise is really a big part - and communication - amen to that.